Yesterday, Grace went to school. She was so excited to see her friends. Her teachers are amazing, they let her eat lunch with them so she wouldn’t be surround by kids without her mask on. (She has to take it off to eat.) She said her friends asked a lot of questions, and they all wore face masks. And my little pumpkin said , “Thank you, Mom, for letting me go to school”. She loves school, she loves learning.
Today was the first day of radiation. The actual radiation treatment went smooth. They took her in, I sat in a chair right outside the room. They asked her what music she wanted to listen to. Then I hear Fight song, followed by Stitches, and then Treat you better. The whole process from the time she left me until she came back was about 30 minutes. She came back excited because nothing hurt, there were no needles. She felt good, looked good, everything was great.
Our appointment was at 4. It was 4:30 by the time they pulled her back, and 5 o’clock as we left. Which means 5 o’clock traffic. Fun fact about me: I get lost… like everywhere I go…I need GPS … and still get lost… We live in a very rural area. I drive on a two lane country road, 5 miles to work and five miles home. ( can’t get lost ) The cancer center is in a big city requiring me to drive on the interstate, and there are many times I need to switch lanes to follow the right route. Did I mention, I’m not use to driving with a lot of traffic. I missed a turn, drove to the next exit and pulled into a BK. I figured I’d grab her something quick to eat, and then hopefully the traffic wouldn’t be so bad.
Grace got out of the car, excited and happy she was getting chicken nuggets, we went in to order them and she suddenly said my tummy doesn’t feel good. She ate two french fries the left the table to be sick. My first thought was maybe we should sit here until she feels better, but then I thought how long is that going to be? And then she said…
“ I just want to go home.” So we jump back in the car, and fought the traffic to get my girl home. She threw up with the queasy drop in her mouth. She threw up the zofran. She threw up the ENTIRE way home, (and it was a long drive because I must have hit the GPS while at BK and it was taking us on an adventure. Thankfully I noticed before too long and redirected it. We got home about 45 minutes later than we should have. ) She was miserable… crying “ it hurts, I want to go home“ the whole ride home. (I was absolutely thankful for the puke bag we put in the cars with blue throw up bags, queasy drops, wipes, and. AIR FRESHENER! )
My heart hurts so much for her. I’m her mom, I’m suppose to protect her and make everything better. And yet for an hour and a half, my little girl was miserable puking and hurting and I could not make it stop. I could not promise it won’t happen again, because tomorrow we are going back, six more days of this for this cycle… then we have two more cycles of seven days each.
All I could do was drive her home.
It didn’t get better when we got home. She didn’t want to drink anything, because she’d just throw it up. She doesn’t understand dehydration. I just kept telling her to wet her tongue. Small little sips. We are giving her Liquid IV hydration drink mix. Hoping to keep her hydrated. She threw up until about 9:30. She went to sleep with a clean blue puke bag next to her , just in case.
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